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Not A Bonsai Tree
Oct. 2nd, 2009 08:02 pmYesterday evening I went to First Thursday in my city and looked at art, talked to artists and ate non-gluten-free cookies while doing so. The weather has been so lovely lately that I've been unable to make myself stay indoors. Today I ate breakfast on a penthouse rooftop and then spent most of the day outside. If it rains this weekend maybe I will get some grounding things done inside.
Most of the artists I chatted with yesterday were kind. I tend to repeat myself, not make sense and not understand everything that is being said to me. The more compassion and patience I have with myself the more others seem to, but not everyone is up for it.
Several artists are using donated space in empty downtown buildings and one of them has a set-up where people can make brooches from found objects. She has objects there in case people don't bring their own. This afternoon I gathered some items in my apartment and hope to assemble them and then attach them to the little screens she uses. (She plans on doing this again.) I have two old pins that I found when cleaning out Mom's house, a dyed pearl earring, a gauzy gold jewelry pouch, and a cancelled stamp from the 1904 St. Louis World's Fair. I will laminate it in addition to laminating an icon I'll print out. The icon is of Barnabas Collins in his exotic silk dressing gown sitting in the Old House looking through photo albums of his ancestors. I intend to attach these to an old crocheted doily which I'll then attach to fabric left over when I made quilted Christmas ornaments years ago. This will involve some sewing and ironing. I actually have an iron and ironing board and when this is all done I hope to stitch it to a small quilted wallhanging. Hopefully I'll be able to get the needle threaded.
I signed up for 2009 NaNoWriMo today and am really excited. I have been gathering snacks for my pantry and need to watch some DVD's for the 1875 timeline which will be part of my story. (I am doing a Dark Shadows fanfiction with both original and canon characters.) It is amazing how I can forget about my aches and pains when I focus on these things.
I did the underpainting of a small 5"X7" canvas board the other day and that seems to have satisfied me for the time being. By now I have forgotten everything I was taught in high school thirtyseven years ago. In a book I looked up how to clean and care for my brushes and was careful not to look at techniques so I can see how I do this. With the tremors in my hands it could be interesting.
It is fascinating how I've once again gotten to that place where I want to throw off everything about how I should be doing things. So much of what I've been told about myself is just plain wrong.
The paintings I really want to do are of the black and white photos of my ancestors from around the turn of the century. Many are professionally photographed indoors; the women have long dresses on and the men have long beards. Once, long ago, I could draw well and can probably learn to do so again. The portraits would be painted in the neutral colors of the photos and then I'd like to add bright flowers in vases and other little objects that I like.
Much of what I am clearing out in this lifetime, I once thought was from past lives. Feeling the experiences, I knew they weren't mine. Now I believe a lot of it is in my DNA from the experiences that my genetic line lived through. Not everyone is going through this but I have spoken with enough others who are, that I have some understanding of this little project. I keep hearing, "There is nothing wrong with you. You aren't doing anything wrong." This feels right to me most of the time now although it is contrary to appearances.
It might appear that my life really sucks but I am focusing on the freedoms I have now. After being twisted into a pretzel for years trying to be who and what I was dictated to be, I now find myself being able to be myself and yet survive. That feels great.
Most of the artists I chatted with yesterday were kind. I tend to repeat myself, not make sense and not understand everything that is being said to me. The more compassion and patience I have with myself the more others seem to, but not everyone is up for it.
Several artists are using donated space in empty downtown buildings and one of them has a set-up where people can make brooches from found objects. She has objects there in case people don't bring their own. This afternoon I gathered some items in my apartment and hope to assemble them and then attach them to the little screens she uses. (She plans on doing this again.) I have two old pins that I found when cleaning out Mom's house, a dyed pearl earring, a gauzy gold jewelry pouch, and a cancelled stamp from the 1904 St. Louis World's Fair. I will laminate it in addition to laminating an icon I'll print out. The icon is of Barnabas Collins in his exotic silk dressing gown sitting in the Old House looking through photo albums of his ancestors. I intend to attach these to an old crocheted doily which I'll then attach to fabric left over when I made quilted Christmas ornaments years ago. This will involve some sewing and ironing. I actually have an iron and ironing board and when this is all done I hope to stitch it to a small quilted wallhanging. Hopefully I'll be able to get the needle threaded.
I signed up for 2009 NaNoWriMo today and am really excited. I have been gathering snacks for my pantry and need to watch some DVD's for the 1875 timeline which will be part of my story. (I am doing a Dark Shadows fanfiction with both original and canon characters.) It is amazing how I can forget about my aches and pains when I focus on these things.
I did the underpainting of a small 5"X7" canvas board the other day and that seems to have satisfied me for the time being. By now I have forgotten everything I was taught in high school thirtyseven years ago. In a book I looked up how to clean and care for my brushes and was careful not to look at techniques so I can see how I do this. With the tremors in my hands it could be interesting.
It is fascinating how I've once again gotten to that place where I want to throw off everything about how I should be doing things. So much of what I've been told about myself is just plain wrong.
The paintings I really want to do are of the black and white photos of my ancestors from around the turn of the century. Many are professionally photographed indoors; the women have long dresses on and the men have long beards. Once, long ago, I could draw well and can probably learn to do so again. The portraits would be painted in the neutral colors of the photos and then I'd like to add bright flowers in vases and other little objects that I like.
Much of what I am clearing out in this lifetime, I once thought was from past lives. Feeling the experiences, I knew they weren't mine. Now I believe a lot of it is in my DNA from the experiences that my genetic line lived through. Not everyone is going through this but I have spoken with enough others who are, that I have some understanding of this little project. I keep hearing, "There is nothing wrong with you. You aren't doing anything wrong." This feels right to me most of the time now although it is contrary to appearances.
It might appear that my life really sucks but I am focusing on the freedoms I have now. After being twisted into a pretzel for years trying to be who and what I was dictated to be, I now find myself being able to be myself and yet survive. That feels great.
